Sorting my fucking self out – an update on the paleo/faileo adventure

Earlier this year I looked down at my sad and sorry self and decided enough was enough. I changed the way I ate and I did a bit more exercise. I cut out all grains, all sugar, most alcohol, I installed a pull up bar. The strictness lasted all of a month then I got a bit easier on myself.

Cutting out wheat was the big thing. Back in the day (when I was bloated and unhappy) I’d have toast for breakfast, pasta for lunch and pizza for tea – all low fat, no butter on the toast so I thought that was ok. Except it wasn’t ok because low fat diets make me feel hungry and I am not a nice person when I am hungry.

Instead of wheat or any sort of grain I just have more vegetables and more fat now. I’ve not cut wheat out totally but I feel a whole lot better when I do and I don’t have it every day now, once a week max. I no longer get that desperate shaking hunger I used to get. I get hungry but it doesn’t make me feel sick or make me feel faint any more, so I guess my blood sugar has leveled out which is good news when loads of your family have diabetes, like mine. I have puddings still, I have a very soft spot for cheesecake. It’s easier for me just to decide I don’t eat bread than to be restrained with it which is a shame because my bread baking skills had just got good before I gave it up. I know that if I baked a loaf now I’d be gorging on it as soon as it came out of the oven. I am not to be trusted with it.

I plan my meals around a chunk of protein, some fat (butter, olive oil, coconut oil or fat in meat or avocados) and the rest is veg. I try to avoid white potatoes but I’m not strict. And I eat cheese sometimes too. I just eat like that 3 times a day and I don’t get hungry in between. I get bored of meat but I like fish, I miss making pasta and baking cakes and bread. I cook a lot of sludgy broth stew things in my slow cooker.

I’m not going to inflict a picture of my tummy on you this time – it’s about the same as it was in week 2, my size 12 things fit but it’s winter and I have 5 layers of thermals on which are not coming off unless sex is involved.  It’s so cold in my house that I keep a kettleball in the front room just so I can warm myself up with a bit of exercise.

This is working for me because when I do fail I don’t beat myself up about it any more. I’m not weighing or counting anything, not even myself now. I can tell when I need to lay off the puddings and pints because my clothes are tight.

It’s been weird getting my head around not having a carb on the plate, I’m so conditioned to that being how we should eat but now I don’t think that is true. And wheat really is murder.

Vegetarian Gluten Free Paleo Nut Loaf Recipe

I made this with a humungous hangover because I fancied a roasty but I had a vegetarian friend around. So of course I didn’t measure anything, I made it up as I went along. It relies heavily on eggs to hold it all together. and if you have some automatic way of chopping up the veg it makes life easier. I use one of these or something like it.


Chop up into fine bits:

  • An onion
  • A leek
  • A clove of garlic
  • Some chopped mushrooms

Soften in oil or butter over a low heat until they go transparent.

Put a couple of tablespoons of chopped nuts (I had cashews and hazlenuts) in a mixing bowl and add:

  • 2 tablespoons of chopped up butternut squash
  • 3 or 4 eggs

Add the cooked veg to the egg mix and season. You could add herbs if you wanted, thyme would go well.

Grease a normal sized loaf tin and put half the mix.

Mix up

  • A chopped up red pepper
  • A tablespoon of grated cheese

Spread this over the mix in the loaf tin and pour the rest of the mixture over the top.

Put in a medium oven for as long as it takes to set – about 40 minutes, the same time it takes to roast potatoes, sweet potatoes and onions..

We had this with a spicy tomato sauce and a glass or two of hairy dog non paleo Guinness.

nom nom.

And the next day I had the leftovers with bacon wrapped asparagus.

Sorting my fucking self out week 3ish, starting to lose count.

day14 Narcissism update on day 14

My stomach is getting flatter despite a huge Guinness binge at the weekend.

I’m attempting and failing to drink more water.

I’m running a few times a week and going to the gym to lift heavy things and bitch about men once or twice a week.

I can’t do a pull up yet but I’ll get there.

I’m eating protein and vegetables 3 times a day, no grains, sugar, cake etc.

It’s working and I’m sticking to it.

Sorting my fucking self out. Day 8


I’m 10 stone. I’m 5ft 6 and I measure 36, 31, 38 – that’s an inch down on the hips since day 1.

In the 8 days I’ve run day 1 of C25K 6 times, done loads of planks, bought a pull up bar so I can learn to do pull ups. Been to the gym once where I have pushed and pulled heavy things. I’ve done no other cardio other than running because I hate it.

I’ve mostly eaten paleo –  a palm sized bit of protein with non starchy veg 3 times a day. I’ve drunk more water, given up soya milk but I’m still having tea with cow milk and sometimes coffee.

Falios –  3 cocktails with sugar syrup, 3 gin and tonics, another gin and tonic (all on different days) ice cream, chocolate brownie and chocolate
sauce, pineapple and cheese sticks at a party (it was that or pizza), snacky binge drunk night on dates and nuts.



Slow Cooker Chicken Coconut Chilli Soup Recipe – Paleo

Add to the slow cooker:

  • Chicken thighs or legs, skin, bones and all.
  • Roughly chopped onions, marrow or courgette and red pepper. (any veg would do)
  • Half a finely chopped long green chilli.
  • Half a pint of chicken stock or water
  • A tin of coconut milk

Cook on slow all day while you go out and do more interesting things that watch it.

About ten minutes before you want to eat add:

  • spinach
  • frozen or fresh veg (carrots, peas, cauliflower etc.)
  • the other half of the chilli.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

The chilli you use in the long cook will have a less aggressive spike to it than the fresh chilli you add at the end.

Would be nice with basil or coriander if you have any.


Sorting my fucking self out. Day 1

This has to be done. I am now posting pictures of my fat and hated stomach into the world so that I will actually do something about it.

It’s been a summer of ice cream and salted caramel sauce, lots and lots of alcohol and no exercise at all.

Here I am, 46 years old. Sorry if this puts you off your ice cream and salted caramel sauce. I think I’m 10 stone ish. I’m 5ft 6 and I measure 36, 31, 39.


The plan is:

Run a few times a week – school starts in one week so I can run regularly again (I do C25K) and use the walk to school as a warm up. Running glues my mind together and I feel a whole lot better if I know I can run away.

Sort out my diet properly – I eat mostly Paleo following the Whole 30 guidelines – so 3 meals a day of a palm sized bit of protein, a thumb sized portion of oil and the rest of the plate is veg – not chips. So that’s no bread, rice, pasta or cake. I quite often Faileo which is why I have those wobbly bits; I suffer terribly from cake retention, and I drink far too much!

Go to the gym – I love my gym because upstairs there is a nice open room (it’s in a church) and no music plays! It’s a boxing gym and it’s only open for women twice a week.

The Paleo UK  Facebook page are a very lovely bunch or people and they’ve suggested I mostly need to just stop eating non paleo, and do some planks and supermans.I’m not going to blog about this every day because that will be boring but the next picture should look a bit more streamlined.

Ideas appreciated as long as no one mentions crunches. I hate crunches.

Living Below the Line Paleo style – Day 3 – I cheat

Weight 10st 7.4lb, no change from yesterday.

Yesterday I was hungry, more I think because the cats and my son had kept me up a lot of the night and when I’m tired I get really snacky.

This is what I have left for the next 3 days.


From the left, clockwise:

  • A tub of chicken and herb stock
  • almost half a buttenut squash
  • most of a leek
  • 4 eggs
  • 3 small red peppers, 1 small yellow, 1 large green
  • 7 coconut and herb meatballs
  • 8 meatballs with apple
  • wild garlic
  • tiny bits of celery
  • half a block of coconut cream
  • small portion of samphire
  • one asparagus spear
  • wild garlic
  • chard
  • spinach (boiled up and chopped)
  • also I have one and a half sweet potatos.

I’m too hungry to meal plan.

Breakfast, spinach, red pepper, wild garlic scrambled egg.

Lunch; 3 meatballs, wild garlic and butternut squash soup made from chicken stock

Chicken stock soup with butternut squash and wild garlic
Chicken stock soup with butternut squash and wild garlic

The soup was actually nice and it’s probably what I’ll have for most of tomorrow but meanwhile. I cracked and ate this. Non paleo, well out of budget but I’m too hungry to think straight, I’ve got a meeting to go to in half an hour and I need to be sentient. Fuck it.

This isn’t the end of the week for me though, I’ll stick to what I have for the rest of the week. Maybe.


Living Below the Line Paleo Style Day 2

Weight 10st 7.4lb

Breakfast – an egg with steamed nettles and a teaspoon of celery, leek, tomato, wild garlic fried up in coconut cream (the starter for todays meatballs). I also poured my kefir over it making it non paleo.

Lunch – 2 meatballs to snack on while I was cooking, mince and coconut stew – celery, a dessertspoon of mince, a lump of creamed coconut, some leek boiled up with some chard.  It’s a huge bowl and I’m not sure I’ll get through all of it.

MInced meat, coconut and greens stew
MInced meat, coconut and greens stew

I am much cheered by more foraged greens, including chard, and chicken bones for free from the butcher that are in the slow cooker making stock right now.

Dinner –  mashed sweet potato and meatballs. I’m going to mash some chard cooked in coconut cream into the potato.

I found an apple with a small bite out of it so I took it home, cut out the bit section, peeled it and grated it into todays meatballs. Yesterdays are now in the freezer for Friday.

Meatballs with foraged veg and apple, mashed sweet potato, chard in coconut cream
Meatballs with foraged veg and apple, mashed sweet potato, chard in coconut cream


Living Below the Line – No Grains/Paleo Day 1

Day 1;

Weight – 10 stone 8.8lbs

Mood – slightly anxious

Breakfast – one boiled egg

Lunch – meatballs and foraged greens, carrot and dandylion leaf salad

Dinner – pepper stuffed with mincemeat and foraged veg,  tiny portion of butternut squash oven chips.

Lots of lemon balm tea

I’m a bit worried about portioning out my rations. I have to get it right or I’ll have no food by Wednesday. I’m mostly worried about the mince, which I have never cooked with before and I am worried it will go off. The plan is to make patties from it, as many as possible, mixed with different foraged food. I can freeze some of them for the end of the week.

I’ve got lemon balm tea brewing and I’ve just drank my soya kefir. It’s easy to make, you just pour some milk over it, cover and put up high to keep the cats off and in the morning you have a yoghurty drink.  The kefir grains are not going to be very happy long term with soya milk though.

Breakfast is normally a couple of eggs with spinach or some other green stuff. Today it was just one egg since I discovered that the nettles I was going to have with it boil down to nothing.

While the egg was boiling I started the mix that is going to go with half the mince.

Paleo Foraged Greens and Mince Meatballs

  • Tablespoon of finely chopped celery
  • A whole small red capsicum and seeds
  • A few leaves of wild garlic, finely chopped
  • Boiled nettles with the water squeezed out and finely chopped.
  • Half a boiled and mashed sweet potato
  • Boiled and chopped garlic mustard (it’ stringy, I wished I chopped it before I  boiled it.)

Dry fry then add a 2cm x 2cm cube of creamed coconut to the pan.

When veg has softened a little take out, and put in a bowl with double the amount of creamed coconut and add a little water.

Add the sweet potato and garlic mustard and 250g mince meat.

Roll into balls and bake in a low to medium oven until done.

This is half my mince allowance and I have 14 meals left. Five of those can be egg so I need to make 9 portions out of the mince  in total – 4 or 5 out of this recipe.

This made 15 little meatballs with some leftover to stuff a pepper with tomorrow. I had them with dandylion leaves and carrot and leek cooked in coconut cream.

Foraged greens and mince paleo patties
Foraged greens and mince meat balls with carrots and leeks cooked in coconut cream on dandylion leaves.


At 4pm I’m hungry but not painfully so. I’m looking forward to dinner though.

Pepper stuffed with mince meat and foraged herbs. With Butternut squash oven cooked in coconut cream.
Pepper stuffed with mince meat and foraged herbs. With Butternut squash oven cooked in coconut cream.


Living Below the Line – Paleo Style – Shopping List and Menu Plan

For my £5 I bought:

living below the line shopping

  • Sweet potatos x 3 – 50p
  • Squash 1/2 50p
  • Soya milk -(not pictured) 59p
  • Coconut cream 59p
  • Eggs 89p – I decided to save 11p and go for sad battery eggs instead of freerange.
  • Mince £1.48
  • Random veg bought from my fridge 45p

The ‘random veg’ is what I have leftover in the fridge, which is a leek, a manky bit of celery, a small carrot, some samphire, a small cooked beetroot and a bag of reduced capsicums. And I found a tomato in the street, it’s mine now.

Greens will be foraged wild garlic, nettles, dandylion leaves and garlic mustard, which is doing really well in the garden right now.

I also have some mint and lemon balm growing, none of which I planted so it won’t cost anything.  I also have horseradish which was here when I moved in 13 years ago.

Here are some meal ideas – I need 15 meals:

  1. egg baked in capsicum
  2. egg poached on boiled greens
  3. egg mixed into fried up capsicum and leek
  4. egg boiled with capsicum
  5. egg scrambled with leek and garlic mustard
  6. egg mixed into mashed squash to make a souffle
  7. mince patties with garlic mustard
  8. mince patties with garlic mustard
  9. mince patties with wild garlic
  10. mince patties with horseradish
  11. capsicum stuffed with mince
  12. mince patties with beetroot
  13. mince patties with herbs
  14. sweet potato oven fries in coconut cream
  15. sweet potato mashed
  16. sweet potato boiled
  17. squash mashed as a side
  18. squash oven fries with coconut cream