convo with my kidneys

Conversation with my Kidneys

Kidneys: Yoo hoo, it’s nearly drink’o’clock, crack open the gin

Me: Not today kidneys, we spent the weekend trying to rid the world of alcohol by drinking it, time for a rest.

Kidneys: Yeah right, go on, the ice is in the fridge.

Me: Nope, I am serious, it’s time for a few days off.

Kidneys: ‘A few days’, you really are taking the piss, how about a glass of wine

Me: Nope, you can have some water

Kidneys: bleargh, water, no thank you, nasty tastless stuff. Have a drink, you’ve been working hard all day and you deserve it.

Me: Shut up

Kidneys: I can imagine that soft smooth trickle of alcohol easing my stresses and strains. It also makes you wittier and more attractive.

Me: Water will make your skin glow

Kidneys: I haven’t got skin

Me: How about a cup of coffee?

Kidneys: With some rum in?

Me: No, shut up

Kidneys: Pleasssssssssseeeeeeeee, how about a Guinness, that is healthy and good for you. Pretty much a replacement for food.

Me: No, if you are good kidneys I’ll give you some pudding on Saturday.

Kidneys: But all over the world people are celebrating wine’o’clock, you are missing out.

Me: Shut the fuck up

convo with my kidneys